I'd say I get my best writing done in that state. I think the best rhetoric I've ever managed was probably brownie induced. Maybe I'll find the Taco Bell napkin it's written on some day. Regardless...the ideas in my head tonight were--in reality--much like the aforementioned "brilliant fucking plans," that is, very likely to be absolutely retarded. Do I care? No, because I'm writing anyway.
So who am I? My name is Joseph Patrick Franco, though you're probably an asshole and expect my last name to be Choy, Kim, or Lee. If you know me in person, it's very likely that you've been wow'd by my tremendous charm. But if you know me even better, you'll know about my longstanding, underlying self-consciousness that only sees the light of day when I get super pissed off about how ridiculously ASIAN some Asian person is being. Typical.
Did I mention that I'm Asian? And maybe that's a good thing for the purposes of this blog (and trust me, there ain't a whole lot of benefits beyond that, unless you enjoy panoramic view as the default/only option for your vision). Basically, what I'm thinking is that a lot of people could very well think I'm an even bigger tool/fag/nerd than I already am because of this blog. And based on that whole self-conscious business I hinted at, you'd think that would bother me a lot in real life. It would. But that's where this blog makes things different. It's on the internet. In the computer world. Did I mention that I'm Asian? So this world is my proverbial oyster. This means I can write whatever I want, feeling pretty confident about myself since all my gook brethren have my back. I'll deal with the real world repercussions later.
Okay, it's been like four paragraphs and I'm already dry heaving thinking about the extent to which I just embraced my heritage, albeit in a cynical fashion. Cynical is the name of the game. Which brings me to an important point in understanding the scope of this new venture (which I will henceforth shy away from calling a "blog" based on the perceived trendiness of that word, which has its roots in hipster culture). What I'm trying to get at is this...more important than the question of "Who [is Joseph Patrick Franco]?" is probably the question of "What the fuck is The Farn Company? And why does it give me the strong urge to stop reading and punch this kid in the face?" Notice that out of those three questions, I've posed the first one previously, and never actually answered it. I've also posed two new questions, which I noted as being "more important." With that in mind, and since I am awesome at contradicting myself, I will not answer those two. Ever. So I might as well try to answer the first one.
Who is Joseph Patrick Franco?
He's part lax bro...and there aren't really a ton of other "parts" that I find flattering and can actually reference succinctly, so let's scrap that idea. Anyway, if there's anything to take away from who I am, it's that I'm a huge pussy. By the end of this, you'll probably confirm your belief that I am indeed a pompous, disillusioned, hypocritical queer. Just because I seem like a calm, self-assured individual in real life doesn't mean I don't still think I'm the shit. Disillusioned indeed. But you probably already knew that if you know me at all.
But anyway, I'll admit I'm pretty hypocritical...while I tend to gravitate toward Bro Culture, I also happen to listen to some Indie bands. This Hipster behavior is largely unacceptable in the World of Bro, and referencing this openly as I'm now doing is likely grounds for expulsion from it. If that's the case, I deserve it. Even more so because I actually have feelings. Almost to a fault. In fact, undoubtedly to a fault. Feelings are stupid, get in the way of living life properly, and yet I can't seem to shake 'em. I think everybody knows what I'm hinting at here anyway.
I like to tell people that I'm "the kid who my friends call at 3 in the morning when they're having issues or just need to talk." This hasn't happened in a while, but feel free to take me up on it because the offer's always been on the table. I like it because it allows me to shower you with worthless, self-interested examples and dealings I've had in my own life while feigning sincerity and pretending that I actually like to give good advice. (And I'm doing it again here, veiled by the concept of a "blog post." I win again.) I guess I would've been a horrible psychologist. But I'm still the best at analyzing the shit out of people, which is one of my main hobbies besides playing lacrosse despite my ineptitude and trying to construct a more expansive wardrobe. I own more pastels than Brantford.
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This is the point in the article where I realize that I've completely lost sight of what I was supposed to do with it, much like my Taco Bell napkin memoirs. This is why projectile thought vomit sucks. It gets you all amped up to do something, but as of yet there's no way to fully record everything. Your mind just boots WAY too fast, all over the ceiling, in suitcases, and in every single crevice in the room. As such, there's no way to recover all the chunks. Which is why a large "chunk" of this article is missing. I'm thinking it was corn, just because it more often ends up in shit anyway. But that's my reasoning for bringing this first article to an untimely end. My better judgment also tells me that I lost everyone's attention 30 seconds in, so I'll let it be.
I just want to point out that I am a journalism student, and yet I'm entirely unconvinced that reporting is actually a worthwhile exploit. It sucks, to be honest with you. And further, I suck at it. So I figure I might as well do something for myself. That's really why I'm still typing right now at 2:30 in the morning. And if anyone else actually ends up reading this, then I'll have succeeded in accomplishing a secondary goal, which is getting people to listen to what I have to say, just because I feel like it. It's good for you, I swear.
Please also note that this post was supposed to explain what I planned to do with my blog...including what future articles were likely to be about, etc. But I guess I'll let that flesh itself out in time, if my whims do inspire me to pick up a pen once more. Let's assume that the focus will be highlighting whatever I think is important. Maybe I'll throw in a little "brownie talk" once in a while too. We'll see, since I'm already getting sick of this.
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